Wednesday, 25 August 2010

The Chicken Nugget Diaries

I've just given in and allowed Child A to have a packet of Maltesers for breakfast. Before you start Googling the number for Social Services, let me explain a bit.

If I had my way, she'd be eating organic oats rolled between the thighs of virgin Disney Princesses, slathered in pro-biotic yoghurt laced with Omega-3 and scattered with 14 different types of fruit. Sadly, I've as much chance of becoming Paris-She-Can't-Actually-Be-That-Stupid-Can-She-Hilton's 'BFF' than getting her to eat anything remotely healthy.

When I was pregnant I routinely imagined my happy little family-life (cue sepia lens) around a huge pine table. Oh, how my little darlings would coo with pleasure as I pulled wonderful organic dishes out of my Aga! Oh, how delightful they would look, covered in flour as they helped me kneed the dough for my homemade bread to accompany my delicious carrot soup! Hark their beaming faces as they polish off my sausage and lentil bake and ask for more spinach please, mummy... (Horrible screeching sound as dream sequence squeals to a halt.)

Yeah. Right.

The only vegetables Arabella will eat are baked beans, and the occasional cucumber stick when under duress (ie when I threaten to remove treats. Or limbs.) I think she did eat an apple once, but I starved her for three days first. Well not quite, but I was pretty hardball.

It was, therefore, with a healthy dose of cynicism that I agreed to trial Sun Valley's new product 'Nature, with a hint of...'

You'll know Sun Valley as the people that sell raisins and prunes. Your children probably have those healthy little raisin snack-packs in their lunch boxes, allowing you to smirk at the chavs who provide Dairylea Lunchables for their little Asbos, er offspring. Well this new line from Sun Valley is raisins with knobs on. Tasty treats for the unutterably smug.

Unsurprisingly, I couldn't even get Arabella to try them. "But they have dragon fruit in, Arabella!" I gushed. "And you know what they say... you are what you eat."

Arabella gave me a withering look. "I'm five."

"Er, yes. Sorry. So you won't even try the one with chocolate covered raisins in?"

"No. They're like rabbit droppings." (She has a point)

"The delicious yoghurt covered pineapple ones?"

She raised an eyebrow in contempt.

"Pumpkin seeds? Blueberries? Cranberries? Cape Gooseberries? Pistachios?" I trailed off miserably.

Luckily my friend and Uber-Parent turned up at this point and I managed to off-load all four bags of different mixed fruit, nuts and seeds onto his delightfully well mannered and nutritionally saint-like daughter. The verdict, I discovered this morning is that they love them but wish they were available in multi-packs. They thought the 89p per pack price tag was a bit high for every day. My husband had a try of the dragon fruit pack and raved about it. You can find more info on them here. My verdict? Great for office workers and ladies who eat healthily and probably great for most children - except mine.

"Mummy, I'm hungry." (I think this is Arabella's catchphrase.)

"Well I've just given away all those lovely snacks" I snarled, "So you'd better wait for tea."

Arabella eyed me with suspicion. "What's for tea."

"Homemade roast-butternut squash and sage risotto?"

I received Withering Look Number Two.

"Right" I grunted, unwilling to enter into battle for the millionth time that day. "Chicken nuggets?"


  1. I bribe Eliza to go downstairs with Daddy at 6am with Peppa pig chocolate lollies. She regularly eats cake for breakfast and like Arabella baked beans are her favourite vegetable. I tried some sort of healthy fruit bar thing knitted by lesbians in Stoke newington and covered in yoghurt and she looked at me like I was trying to poisin her. She had a point, it was vile.

  2. "Knitted by lesbians in Stoke Newington"... roaring with laughter.


  3. Brilliant post! I can't type anything else, I am convulsing with laughter and empathising at both what you said and what It's a Mummy's Life replied :)

  4. Oh I'm so happy! I thought it was just me! A friend came round and looked at me in horror when it transpired I'd just given their child and Arabella an impromptue lunch of canned macaroni cheese and white toast. You'd have thought I'd just sat them down in front of a blue movie.

  5. Love this. Having been suffering from morning sickness since last night, I was worrying the baby wasn't getting all the nutrients I'd carefully been consuming in the form of superfood blueberries, home-made stews and pure omega 3 oils. I'm now going to give myself a break, go to the shop and get myself a pack of Salt and Vinegar MCCoys (hell, I might even get some liquorice all sorts too).

  6. Hell, throw the towel in and treat yourself to a Pot Noodle. You know you want to....

  7. Don't you just love the way you try to do the best and you get kicked in the teeth!


  8. Hi Charlotte.
    I found your blog on and LOVE it! You are a brilliant writer - your words are so relateable! I have three littles ages 7, 5 and 2 with twins on the way from Ethiopia! I look forward to following along on your adventures in parenthood!
    Beneath the Acacia Tree