Monday 16 January 2012

In which Charlotte gains a stalker.

I have made it.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have joined the gilded ranks of those involved in the Levenson Enquiry. It's true, I don't quite have paparazzi camped outside my house, but I do have my very own, very sad stalker.

They have created a Twitter account merely (it would appear) to send me badly worded and frankly boringly inoffensive tweets. They don't like me disrespecting my mother. (Hang on a second... Mum? Nah, she's only just working out how to use a mobile phone. Twitter is on the same technical level as algorithms, sat-nav and the offside-rule. I think I'm safe...)

They've worked out that my name is Charlotte Castle, and smugly published it to the Twittering world. Given that I have a blog called CHARLOTTE CASTLE and I also write books that happen to carry my name, I'm leaning towards a suspicion that they don't work for MI5. Or MI6. Or even my local job-centre. And frankly, that's saying something. (Is there a requisite walk you have to learn to work in a government role? I have never met anyone in a pseudo-civil role that doesn't walk at the pace of an arthritic sloth and with the sway of an obese and mildly sedated rhino. Also, those hips! Are they because of the walk or the reason for the walk? Hmm. Chicken and Egg.)

Anyway - what was shaping up to be an entirely depressing and uneventful January has been slightly cheered by the entrance of the person to whom we shall from henceforth refer to as: Charlotte's Repeatedly Annoying Person. - Otherwise known as C.R.A.P.

I skip smugly to bed, delighted that I have fired such passion and interest in a fellow person.

That said, I must get the cats in.



  1. Sorry to be the pedant, but a nasty remark leaver is a 'troll'. A stalker is the one going through your bins, and sending you valentines cards.

  2. Funnily enough the council keep going through my bins to reprimand me for not recycling enough. I'm not sure the Refuse Refusal Man has sent me a Valetines though.

  3. And another thing, I have stalked/trolled you for years enright, and not a mention. What's this new guy got that i haven't? Sulking now.(bottom lip out)

  4. Ok, I'm a month behind but I saw this in Jane Alexander's blog roll and knew it would make me chuckle. Keep 'em coming, Charlotte, you always make me laugh. Oh, and poor stalker/ troll, suspect he may have bitten off more than he can chew, that the peak of his stalking existence (discovering your name) will be the pinnacle of this particular career. Keep us posted.
    Anon? I don't think this other 'person' poses much of a threat.

  5. just found your blog and THIS acutally MADE me LOL. sorry for caps just have to get accross my LOL-NESS :)

  6. Ah, bless you - as this certainly wasn't my best post. I'll shoot over and read your blog - I too am the wrong bloody side of 20. In fact the better side of forty. Oh god. I just depressed myself again..... xxxx

  7. Funny. Enjoyed it. Trolls are well named. I have one who just things he wants to promote...too bad the stuff is pirated stuff from China...either way a troll sucks.

    Joined your blog via GFC. Would love the return of favor if you joined mine. It's

    You need to scroll down a lot to get to the thumbnails and GFC button.

    Appreciate the support of a fellow blogger.

    Ciao for now,