Tuesday, 20 July 2010

My husband has 2 days before his life's in danger.

There is an ominous pain in my womb. A griping, tightening, snarling and insistent pain.

I'm rather bad at keeping to a calendar, but I suspect this means my husband has around 2 days to find cover before my PMT hits. And boy, since I gave birth to Alexander 7 months ago, does my PMT hit.

I've tried to remind myself in more rational moments that my deep and unshakable hatred for my husband, one week a month, is purely hormonal.

I have no doubt that his myriad of irritating habits and irresponsibility have much to do with it (you see, I'm already in the grip of it - I'm starting to sound like that harpy Liz Jones - a clear indicator of insanity) but as I can usually deal with his leaving his pants on the bathroom floor, not paying any bills and flicking fag butts on my doorstep (Okay, okay - forget the last one. I never forgive the last one) I'm beginning to realise that the Wicked Week in Which I Wish to Wrangle his Wotsits may in fact not be truly justified.

Despite this, I know this is my last chance to discuss my monthly phenomena. In a few hours, I'll start to shed my humane skin and become the were-woman of horror films. Trust me, I'm not a sparkly vampire.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The transformation into rabid, snapping she-devil starts here.

We'll reconvene in a week, when I've begun the painful, guilt ridden reformation into normal, understanding homemaker, mother and wife. But for now, watch it.

I bite.


  1. Charlotte - i hate to disappoint you, but I'm just as rabid post menopausal as i was before (just apparently, on no discernible schedule according to the hubs).

  2. You mean this isn't going to stop?

    Oh bugger.

  3. Homeopathy and acupuncture, Charlotte!
    There's no need to suffer with it

  4. It is my pleasure to honor you with this Versatile Blogger Award. I have chosen you because I feel you ignite the writing community with your professionalism, support, and talent. I am thankful for the way in which you represent writers, and I am honored to be associated with you.

    This award has some rules associated with it - please visit my blog to see your listing and the 4 rules.


  5. OMG hilarious as well as honest. I am exactly the same but it doesn't just hit my husband - it's any poor bugger that gets in the way.
    And then three days later the hormones abate and I'm all smiles while everyone else hates me. Love, love, love your writing!
    Karen x